Sorry I’m Not In Right Now

May 23, 2009

That title really sums up how I am feeling these days. Both mentally and emotionally.  I’ve always been kind of a loner but nothing I would consider “freakishly shut-in”. It’s not like I didn’t have friends or that I didn’t go out. I just liked to keep to myself. I also use to take pride in how calm and cool I could keep myself. Granted things do change with time, and yes I get more worried about things now that I am caring for a child but I would describe my recent trending of emotion and faculty to be more extreme then traditional or normal.

As a result of my foot and ankle pain (and my own ineptness) I have been out of work and out of life in general for years. Despite the pain I would still go for a walk here and there, but as the pain increased my walking lessened. Fast forwarding now I have had two surgeries on that foot and I haven’t gonna on a walk in nearly two years. Things never seemed like they would get better. I seriously considered permanently going back to live with my parents as i was just serving as a drain on Jenny.

Things changed further when Jenny made a friend who lives a few doors down from us. Things did change, I actually grew jealous. Sure i have friends, but over the course of time they have become more like acquaintances that I have known for a long time. Most of them engage in activities that I no longer care for or wish to associate with and the others do not live in the area any longer. Jenny was the only person I had to really talk to and spend time with and with her spending time at a friends I can’t help but feel empty and alone with no one else to talk to. It’s pretty sad no matter how you look at it.

My foot has been feeling better than it has in years though, and I will get to start walking on it again soon. Hopefully time will heal all of these wounds (physical, mental, and emotional). I don’t feel like I use to, and that is not a good thing.


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